Thursday, August 03, 2006

Who Am I?

I am having an identity crisis. Here are the reasons:

Identity Crisis 1
We are starting at an early age telling our kids about Jesus. We sing songs, read age-appropriate stories and try to fit him into conversation whenever possible. It is surprisingly easy to fit Him into conversation (and by Him, I mean the whole Trinity shebang, not just Jesus himself) because Helen's limited world-view holds the capacity of trees, flowers, mommy, daddy, brother and love, all of which/whom Jesus made. And the songs are just fun. Even if I find some of them reprehensible as they flow from my mouth on their catchy little tunes. The second verse of Jesus Loves Me... "Jesus loves me when I'm bad, though it makes him very sad"... this is hard for me to sing. And "Oh Be Careful" will never be sung in this house.

So, today, Helen and I were sitting at the table enjoying some mandarin oranges and chocolate milk, and singing "Zaccheus Was A Wee, Little Man." After the final line "For I am going to your house today," Helen shouts, "HELEN GOES TO HOUSE! HELEN GOES TO ZACCHEUS HOUSE!" Okay, she can't actually pronounce Zaccheus, but that's just semantics. So I tell her, "Sure, you go to Zaccheus's house. You and Jesus both go to the house." Because humoring your kids is how you make it through the day. And then Helen says the weirdest, creepiest thing ever...

She says, "Mama is Jesus."

And Luke's laughter chorused out of the other room. And I stumble about saying, "No, no. Mama is NOT Jesus." Because I now, somehow feel blasphemous. Why does Helen think I am Jesus? I have to assume it is because she thinks that I made everything. I made brother. Why not flowers and mountains and rivers? So our next bible lesson around the house is "Why Mommy is NOT Jesus." Does anyone have scripture to back that up?

Identity Crisis 2
Today Luke and I had a brief, yet very real conversation of the subtleties of the vocal quality of the lead singer of Journey. I find him to be very talented. Luke finds his voice strange.

When did I start knowing enough about Journey to have this conversation? Why wasn't I wearing a jeans jacket and leaning on my Camaro and brushing my mullet while we had this talk? Why was I listening to Journey on a CD? Why do I OWN a Journey CD? Why wasn't I listening to it on cassette while holding the boom box on my shoulder?

Seriously, a conversation about Steve Perry. I like COUNTING CROWS. That's who I am.

Identity Crisis 3
While unpacking in our new house, I found I own a number of romance novels. I do not know where they came from. Perhaps I went out and bought them subconsciously after I started staying at home with the kids. Perhaps I also watch soaps during the day and think Capri pants equal dress-up clothes.

This could be chalked up to my sister leaving one on a visit, or I got them mixed up in my books back when I lived with other girls, but no, there are like 15 of them. I really have no idea how this occurred. Some of them are by Danielle Steele. Now this is against my religion. No really, Jesus does not like Danielle Steele. It's in the bible. He smites people for reading that kind of literary garbage, mass-manufactured by Silhouette and Harlequin. I really just don't know how this came to be...

Identity Crisis 4
I ordered chicken-fried steak at a restaurant yesterday. I don't eat beef. And because I don't eat beef, when I DO eat it, it has a...very bad effect on me. Maybe once every 6 weeks or so, I have Luke take me out for a really nice steak, and I will always regret it. So, why, yesterday, was I possessed to order chicken-fried cube steak at a place that makes the Rainbow Inn (you know what it is) look like Steak and Ale (or someplace actually fancy). Anyway, I ordered it, and the waitress walked away and I looked at Luke kind of shocked-and-awed and said, "That's going to make me sick." Why did I do that? What is wrong with me lately. Have any of you seen the real Sarah? And could you send her back my way? I miss her.

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